Screaming Matches
by TTY7
Summary: Jesse Anderson can't catch a break. Now a broke college student without a job, he has to crash with his best friend Jaden Yuki and his wife Alexis. This wouldn't be a big deal if said married couple didn't fight every second of every day, but because they do, well, let's just say Jesse is about a hair away from insanity. AU One-shot.


A/N: Hello fellow GX fans! Before we get to the somewhat fluffy one-shot, I must give the short behind the scenes story of how this story came to be. Basically, my friend SuperNova 23 and I had a duel. Yes, a game of Duel Monsters, and not just any game of Duel Monsters. You could sum up our little game in the following way...

CARD GAMES IN E-MAIL CHATTING

Yep, like total geeks, we played a makeshift game of Duel Monsters. We've done this one other time just for fun, but this time we had a little wager. Whoever lost had to write a one-shot based on any het pairing in any anime series we both knew of. Easy to say that I lost this game. ( I should have went with online rapping instead, because we both know I'm better at it. Haha!) Anyway, he picked Jaden/Alexis as the couple and that pretty much sums up how this story came to be. (Of course that little wager of ours happened months ago...I've started at least three one-shots for this couple, but this is the only one I've felt inspired enough to finish.)

Warnings: Call it AU I guess. This is the married life of Jaden and Alexis. And if you didn't already guess, I use the English names. (Haven't seen much of the Japanese version so I don't know half of the Japanese names anyway.) Also, this is a humor story so it's not really meant to be taken seriously. If the characters are a little out of character, my apologies. Please go easy on me. It's been a while since I've seen GX. (Though I'll admit some of the OCness is more for comedy purposes. At least on Alexis's part.)

Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Yu-Gi-Oh GX or any of the other Yu-Gi-Oh franchises. This was made just for fun.

* * *

_Screaming Matches_

Twenty-four year old Jesse Anderson groaned as he took a sip of black coffee from his favorite porcelain coffee mug. He was staring at the computer screen of his laptop, trying in vain to type out a thesis for a college paper that was going to count for over half of his grade. This little fact was going to make the difference between him graduating from the university or not. He was finding it difficult to concentrate as it was, especially with writer's block challenging him in every way possible. To add to the list of his growing worries, he was currently jobless and basically mooching off of his best friend and his wife.

Another groan slipped through his lips as he tried to come up with another idea for his paper, but before he could even begin to place his fingertips over the keys, loud shouts echoed from upstairs.

"Jaden Yuki! You are such a...gah!"

Jesse let out a sigh of defeat, typing out two words before shaking his head. "Not today..."

"Alexis! You don't understand anything because you just don't listen..."

The blue-haired man closed his eyes. "_Please...not today! Any day but today!"_

"Why should I listen when you're stuck on stupid?" Alexis shouted back, oblivious to Jesse's silent prayers. "I'm not trying to learn how to be a complete moron. Besides, you don't exactly listen to me either you big jerk!"

"I'm just trying to explain..."

"You never think about what you say before you say it," Alexis cut in. "I'm always trying to help you out and I set aside what I want to take care of your sorry butt! And what do you do? You do nothing but stress me out! Seriously, how I am supposed to help someone stuck on being an oblivious idiot."

Jesse rolled his eyes, barely inclining his gaze backward as Alexis stormed down the stairs wearing a long-sleeved light-blue t-shirt, dark wash jeans, and a white apron over the ensemble. Her long blonde hair is tied up in a messy bun, her full lips slightly chapped. In the next second she was in the kitchen, yanking the fridge open before taking out a carton of eggs and a package of bacon. Then she slammed it shut, marching across the kitchen to the cabinets.

Jaden came rushing down the stairs seconds later, looking even more agitated than Alexis did. In fact, he looked downright infuriated.

"I have to rush what I'm saying all the time Jaden," Alexis growled, slamming the cabinet doors shut after setting a plate on the counter in front of her. "You make me feel useless, like I mean absolutely nothing to you. Just now you sent a message that says, "You have no value because you don't listen. You know and understand nothing!"

Jaden groaned agitatedly, leaning against the wall as he watched his wife storm around the kitchen. "Alexis you know I don't feel that way."

"Yeah, but you still make me feel that way with your actions," Alexis replied, not bothering to look at her husband as she preheated the oven to broil. "You freak out over itty bitty things, make me feel like I'm a clumsy dunce, and then when something serious happens, you know, something that actually calls for freaking out, you act like a goofball." She rolled her eyes as she passed by him, opening the fridge to get out some slices of cheese. "Honestly, you must have some screws loose."

Jesse took another sip of his coffee, doing his best to ignore the escalating situation. He could see that his best friend was getting riled up by the madness, but Jesse didn't feel obligated to try to help him out. After all, on most occasions Jaden deserved the tongue lashings he got from his wife.

For example, just last week, the two of them were arguing about a grocery list. Jesse had sat on the couch in the small living room, browsing the web for job listings and such, while Alexis was across the room, watering one of her plants while listening to her Ipod. She was humming slightly, but the sound didn't bother the blue-haired man. He was focusing on his work, his emerald-green eyes scanning the pages of jobs he had no hope of getting.

Jaden showed up a few minutes later, having come into the house after doing a little bit of yard work. He was smiling when he entered and simply asked Alexis if she needed anything from the store. Jesse figured that this would be a normal conversation, so when Alexis tapped her index finger to her chin as she contemplated her answer, he continued with his search for a decent job that could get him out of his flat broke predicament.

Not a minute after he had found something promising did the screaming begin.

Jesse glanced up and tuned into the conversation just as Jaden yelled, "Swiss cheese is disgusting Alexis. You can't possibly put it into a meal you expect me to eat. There's just no chance! I'm not buying it."

"For heaven's sake Jaden," Alexis had fired back. "Why does everything have to turn into an argument with you. You asked what I needed from the store and I told you that I needed tomato sauce, ground pepper, and swiss cheese for dinner tonight. Swiss cheese doesn't taste all that great by itself, but when cooked and mixed with other ingredients it can be really tasty. You won't notice, I've used it before..."

"You've poisoned me with that stuff!" Jaden had screeched, sticking his tongue out from his mouth as a panicked expression rose over his features. "How could you?"

Alexis's expression deadpanned in response. "Just forget it Jaden." With a groan she moved to the kitchen table where her purse was resting. "I'll just go to the store and get it myself..."

"Now wait just a minute!" Jaden cut in, following behind her. "You aren't about to spend my hard-earned money for that despicable swiss substance. I mean, seriously, is the cheese made in Switzerland or something? I bet that's why it tastes so bad. Those people can't make good cheese in a cold climate like that."

Jesse couldn't help but sigh in response to that. Jaden was never the brightest star in the sky when it came to brains and what not, but normally he wasn't idiotic enough to stoop to conclusions a seven year-old kid could muster. Jesse realized that his best friend must have been desperate for excuses.

So desperate that he unintentionally made a very crucial mistake.

With another sigh, Jesse closed his laptop and set it down next to him on the couch before pressing the palms of his hands to his ears. Closing his eyes, he braced himself.

"Excuse me! Your hard-earned money! I'm the one that set up that appointment for you to even be a trainee at the fire department so don't act like you became lieutenant of the station all on your own Jaden Yuki! Furthermore, I work too! I cook, clean, wash everything, and on the weekends I work events at the convention center downtown! Every penny that's in my bank account is mine Jaden Yuki! That's right, I have a separate bank account from yours because you don't even know how to handle money without losing it all in some random spending spree on Amazon." She paused to suck in a sharp breath as Jaden's expression fell into a pitiful pout, but his kid-like expression didn't register and she continued, shouting, "How do you think this house is paid for? I've been secretly sneaking money from my bank account into yours, so that when you pay the bills the check doesn't bounce! So there! Your hard-earned cash is just as much mine as it is yours! Not just figuratively Jaden Yuki but literally Jaden Yuki." With a growl she glared daggers into him as he cowered on the floor. "So, do I make myself clear Jaden Yuki or arm I going to have to beat some sense into you."

Jesse knew that when Alexis was really peeved at Jaden, she'd say his full name one to three times. Of course, this time she had said his full name a total of five times and as she continued ranting she said his full name another ten times. Jaden had no hope of combatting his wife at that point, but he tried anyway. The guy was just as stubborn as she was if not more.

Which is why, despite Jesse's growing annoyance at their constant screaming matches, he believed the two of them were perfect for each other.

Of course, at the present moment irritation at the two of them was winning out in the poor lad's mind. After finishing their argument about how neither one of them felt appreciated by the other, an argument broke out on whether the eggs needed to be scrambled or cooked sunny side up.

At this development, Jesse rose from the table, his emerald-eyes blazing with rage.

"ENOUGH!"

Jaden and Alexis paused mid-rant, turning their surprised gazes toward the blue-haired man as he downed the rest of his coffee in one gulp, not caring that it was searing hot and probably burning his throat.

Slamming it to the table, he yelled, "Can't you two go one day without viciously snapping at one another? Do you two enjoy the banter or something? Well, I don't! I'm a guest in your house people! Show some restraint or work out your problems rationally because I can't take it anymore! Just stop it!"

Having unleashed his fury, Jesse sat down in the chair behind him, exhaustion overtaking him. It took too much effort to be angry. He couldn't see how Alexis and Jaden managed to go at it every day and still have loads of energy to do other things afterward as well as have another argument about something else within hours.

Jaden and Alexis exchanged glances, glares simultaneously coming over their expressions as they both screamed, "Who are you to order us around!"

Jesse blinked in sudden confusion as his two friends marched to where he was sitting in unison, leaning toward him as well as glaring metaphorical holes into his flesh.

"Guest implies that you come for a visit and then leave," Alexis began, crossing her arms in front of her chest, unaware that the eggs were burning on the stove far behind her.

Jaden, the lieutenant of a firefighting squadron was also unaware of this fact when he added. "But you haven't left; therefore, you aren't a guest but a friend who simply can't get his finances in order."

Jesse's expression deadpanned at that. "_That's coming from a guy who can shop himself into bankruptcy. And they say women shop! Ha! A million shopaholic women have nothing on Jaden when he sees a sale on video games._"

Still, shopaholic or not, Jaden did deliver a good point. Jesse still couldn't find a job and with his time at the university coming to a close, he was about to land himself in some debt. At first he was staying at the university, but the last semester proved to be too expensive with all the classes he needed to take to graduate once and for all. So, he had to exchange his livelihood on campus for what would have been life on the streets to save up what little money he had. His parents wouldn't let him come home even though they lived closer to the campus and he didn't even think to ask his other friends to take him in because he asked his best friend first. The arrangement seemed awesome at the time because he was pretty good friends with his wife too. If the two of them had been normal, Jesse would have nothing to complain about.

Not that his complaints really mattered at this point. The two of them were working together to put poor Jesse Anderson in his place.

"If you were married you'd know that marriage isn't always cakewalk," Alexis continued, falling in step behind her husband. "There will be arguments and screaming matches from time to time. Ours just happen a little more often than most couples, that's all."

"Yeah, the way you talk you act like we're on the verge of divorce or something stupid like that," Jaden threw in, wrapping an arm around Alexis's waist. "That won't ever happen. This woman may drive me crazy, but I couldn't imagine life without her. It'd be too boring."

Alexis smirked a little. "And even though Jaden has a tendency to act like a moronic fool, I love him all the same." Jaden groaned slightly at this but she ignored it. "When you find yourself a wife then you can handle your arguments in whatever way you want. And if you..."

"And if you have a problem with how we interact with each other," Jaden began, smiling down at his wife before they both turned another fearsome glare at the blue haired man, "Get a job and your own place! If you can't do that, shut up and mind your own business."

Jesse was speechless but he nodded his consent while wondering, "_Were they always this insane?_"

Alexis and Jaden smiled triumphantly, pounding their fists together with serene looking smiles on their faces.

Unfortunately, the sudden screeching of the fire alarm wiped those smiles clean.

"Aaaaaah!" Alexis screamed, ripping herself from Jaden's grip. "The eggs! I must have left the stove on too long!"

Jaden flapped his arms up a down like a chicken would, shouting out, "Where's the fire extinguisher!?"

"What! You're a firefighter! You're supposed to know where a fire extinguisher is at all time! Alexis started flapping her arms, mirroring his actions as heavy smoke began lifting into the room. "Did they teach you nothing in training!?"

"It's not that they didn't teach...I just didn't always listen..."

"Jaden!"

Jesse, having been in similar situations to this one thanks to these lunatics simply rose from the table, walked across the kitchen, opened the pantry closet, withdrew the fire extinguisher, and then proceeded to douse the flames while Jaden and Alexis continued to argue and panic, oblivious to Jesse solving the problem at hand.

With a slight chuckle Jesse deduced that those two were going to be together forever...at least as long as there's someone around to remind them of their love for each other.

"_After I move out, I'll try prompting them to have some kids. That might calm them down a little._" Jesse mused to himself, glancing over at the arguing couple again. "_Then again...that's probably not the best idea. Little Jaden and Alexis clones running around will make them even crazier and then they'll ask me to babysit...nope, not happening._"

* * *

A few years later...

"Uncle Jesse! Kelsey hit me!"

"Did not you big baby!" The older sister started pinching her younger brother's cheeks. "Stop being a tattletale!"

"Uncle Jesse!"

Uncle Jesse felt like crying, wishing for the parents of the two little demons to return from their date night as well as praying that said date night didn't result in more children. The blue-haired psychiatrist couldn't understand it. He wasn't psychic, so why did his predictions of the future always come true? And how is it that when it's time to babysit it's while his own wife has already made plans with her gal pals. Did bad luck just follow him around?

"Waaaaaahaaaa!"

Jesse nodded, accepting his fate. "_Yep, bad luck follows me around._"

* * *

A/N: And that's it. This was written for you SuperNova 23, so I hope you enjoyed it and that everyone else found enjoyment in it too. It was definitely fun to write. Anyway, thanks for reading. If you want, please leave a review, and have a wonderful day!


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